Ridiculous.

I, for some reason, receive these really outlandish astrological emails. My only guess is that someone signed me up for them as a prank. I have attempted to block them from coming to my blackberry more times than I can count. Mostly, they freak me out. From today’s email:

Kaleena, The Universal Protector Must Be In Your Possession Before April 2nd.

Dear Kaleena, it’s now way after midnight and I’ve been thinking all evening about how I can alert you to a rare planetary occurrence on April 2nd. I feel the need to inform you that you may want to surround yourself with extra protection on that day, as there is a higher than usual risk of negative planetary energy impacting on our planet because of this occurrence.

There is a high risk of minor events suddenly going out of control. For example, routine actions could be transformed into blown-up conflicts, while careless actions could be transformed into major incidents.

Okay. Yeah. So this is a scheme to scare me into buying some ridiculous something or other called : The Solid Silver and 24 K Gold Universal Protector.


What freaks me out about it is this. WHO is sitting around creating this shit? Who has the occupation of terrifying thousands of paranoid grandmas and 20-something single females into purchasing these factory made trinkets of good fortune and security? WHAT IS THIS JOB TITLE CALLED? Really. I have so many inquiries regarding this topic.

This isn’t what I intended to write about today, at all. But it correlates in a way, I suppose. Or at best I’ll thread it together with bread ties and scotch tape. It’ll do.

The point is, somewhere out there someone is believing in this nonsense. But can I judge them? Is this any inferior than the lies I tell myself every day? I don’t know. I like to consider myself as sharp, but when it comes to believing things in an ignorantly blissful nature, I am guilty.

What am I using as my Solid Silver and 24 K Gold Universal Protector?


I am my own enabler. I entitle it dreaming. Or possessing an imagination. Or just the capacity to think BIG THOUGHTS. I splash blame onto others; they’re monotonous. They are simply unable to see the bigger picture, the potential.


I panic to my Mother: You can’t just place me in a box, Mom. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.


I say to friends: I don’t know. I just can’t envision having a Real Job. That sounds so repulsive, like stifling suffocation. Do you think that’s for me?

I shriek at my ex boyfriend: YOU did this to me.

I think to myself: Grow up. And Fucking soon.


But here’s the deal, before I can sort through any of this.. Before I can take a step into the shitstorm I’ve hoarded, and toss out the self-enabling rubbish… I’ve got to figure out what to do about April 2nd. I know, I know. Funny. But maybe i'll just sleep the day away. JUST IN CASE.