Why do I continuously believe I can change people? No, change is the wrong word. It’s more like I hope to make them recognize the best versions of themselves. I need to cause that blur. I want to be vital, an essential element within someone. I want to be the reason someone breathes, not for me, but because I exist in their world. (And because I choose to remain there).
Everyone wants to stay miserable. What is there to say when you’re happy? What is there to fucking feel when you’re happy? It’s such a joke, this endless quest for bliss.
I need to feel alive. I want to be challenged intellectually, overcome with physical emotion. I want to burn from all five senses. Set me on fire, I don’t care. I promise I’ll reciprocate.
Justine told me that she stopped hating people when she met Dan. “I just love him so much, and have so much love for him that there isn’t room to hate anyone anymore.”
I want to be sleepy. Or drunk. Or nothing.
Something other than this.
Oh, the possibilities. What happened to freewill?
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